Desperate Housewives - Live Blog - ABC

In two weeks:  The Solis family is rich again!  Tom sucker punches Sinister Dave!   Lynette sells a share of the restaurant to Bree?  A dinosaur runs amok on Wisteria Lane!  One of those things is not going to happen:  you make the call!

The Housewives gather at Eli's grave after a huge service attended by all the people he touched during his life.  Bree fixes a stray flower on the coffin bouquet and says,  "I wanted to fix something for Eli for a change."

That was a good one - very sentimental, but not in a schmaltzy way.

As we watch Eli sitting in his truck across the street from the ambulances and police.  Mary Alice tells us, "Eli Scruggs sat in his truck for almost an hour, devastated that he had done nothing to save me.  He then made a quiet vow to God:  from that moment forward, he would do what he could to help people, to help them fix their lives.  And for the rest of his life, that's exactly what he did."

We take a look back to Eli Scruggs first meeting with Mary Alice.  He's looking for work and hands her a card.  Mary Alice notices the hole in Eli's shoe - he's fallen on hard times.  Mary Alice thinks quick, and asks Eli to help her with a broken vase.  And that is Eli's first job of many on Wisteria Lane.

A couple years later, Eli finds a silent Mary Alice sitting in her house, depressed.  She gives Eli that vase, the first thing he ever fixed.  "I want you to have this," she tells him.  There's a note of finality in the gift and Eli is concerned.  Mary Alice dismisses him.  She's going to kill herself.

In another flashback, Eli swings by Susan's house during her divorce from Mike and finds her weeping and inconsolable.  Eli sits down and gives her a pep talk and calls her "heroic."  It's just what she needs to hear, and she collapses in his arms, crying.

Another flashback!  In the present, Eli visits Susan's house and learns that she's breaking up with Jackson.  This time Susan isn't crying and doesn't need Eli's encouragement.  He tells her he's retiring and that the shingle on her roof is the last repair he'll do for her - how true that is!

Susan runs to the store to get some wine so she and Eli can toast his retirement... but of course they never do have that drink.

We cut back to Susan, drinking that bottle in her kitchen.  She raises her glass to Eli Scruggs, "the most consistent male relationship in her life."  That's sweet.

Susan Meyer pours a glass of white wine, alone in her kitchen.  We flash back to a frantic, hyperactive Susan, who has just broken up with her husband Karl, who cheated on her with his blonde secretary.  She wants Eli Scruggs to change all the locks before Karl gets back.  It's all part of her vengeance plan, including cutting out the pockets in his pants and canceling his credit cards.  Eli lets slip that he has seen Karl around town with a redhead, which just sets her off.

Lynette is multi-tasking, busy on the phone as she pulls into her house with baby Penny in the back seat.  She leaves the baby in the car on an 85 degree day, but Eli Scruggs saves the day!  He IS a guardian angel.  The close call shocks Lynette into reassessing her priorities...

In the present, Lynette remembers that one day... and runs off to help Penny with her homework.  Aww.

Penny asks for Lynette's help with some math homework, but she begs off.  "I wish you'd asked me two Chardonnays ago," she says.

We flip around into Lynette's flashback, where she is heaving into the toilet.  She's pregnant with Penny, although she's certain that she's going to be cursed with another boy.  Lynette wants to go back to work, but that would require Tom and his Nineties haircut to cut back at work.  Lynette tries to pursue her ambitions, even as she's in labor...

Lynette wants it all.  Baby, career, family.

Edie and Dave, happily reunited, have just returned from the Bahamas.  Dave breaks the news to Edie, who instantly goes into a "flashback trance."  Years in the past, Edie is harassing former husband Umberto her boy toy for sex, but he's not having it.  Her libido is out of control, she's too much for him.

Eli was in the bathroom listening to the whole thing and he pops out while she's lounging around in her red lingerie.  This is how a lot of porno movies begin...

Later, Eli finds Edie drunk and despondent after her break up with Umberto, who is gay.  He tries to comfort her, and one thing leads to another, and... well, let's just say Edie is very comfortable with her libido.  Lucky Eli!

We skip ahead in time to a desolate, widowed Bree sitting in her kitchen alone with a glass of wine.  Eli shows up, having just repaired something, and we learn that Rex has just died.  Eli went to the funeral.

He gives Bree a gift:  a bunch of notes for her cookbook that she threw away after Rex mocked her.  Man, Eli is the coolest.  He's like a guardian angel or something.